Whoa! Super tired!

Okay, you know that "end of the week" buzz you get in your ears? I have that. I'm sooo tired, I just want to drop on my face and snore!
I know it's been a while since I wrote anything about my violin, it feels like I haven't made much progress with it lately. Well it did feel like that. Last week I think on Tuesday, I decided I wanted to learn how to play a song I positively love, Haunted by Taylor Swift. It reminds me of my story and my life at times.
Two years ago (ish, more like a year and a half, two is easier to type!) I wanted to learn how to play it on the piano. My older sister wasn't exactly eager to teach me, so I found a bunch of help online and taught myself how to play the piano. Don't go thinking I'm a prodigy, I can only play Haunted. But that did help me when I took up the violin and apparently I had Haunted so packed hard in my mind that when I went to play it on the violin, I only had to look at the sheet music once! It was pretty cool, I'm able to play with Taylor singing and I feel so awesome, even if I am making mistakes all the time. :)
I'm just a little frustrated, my editor still hasn't gotten my book back to me yet! Gah! It makes me want to rip my hair out! I know what I need to fix, I just want her feedback and I'm SICK AND TIRED OF WAITING!
By now you probably know I'm not a very patient person. =)
At least my editor called me last week to explain why, she seemed pretty understanding to what kind of pacing, fretting, frustrating worry she was putting me through. She's touching my precious manuscript! My baby! I just want it back! I'm glad that she seemed friendly, and was understanding. That was super nice. :)
I also read the books by an author that's been helping me. Stephanie Fowers, reading her books gives me hope since she published hers the way I'm going to publish mine, and for the record, her books are AMAZING! I love Hobs. :)

The Clawed Beast that Rises at Noon and Midnight

Okay so I've spent the last few weeks being grouchy on and off. Today however I actually woke up happy.
Sort of.
I'm also really glad that I'm not a wraith and therefore I cannot see in the dark. I woke up at five this morning ran to use the facilities, came back into my room, flipped on my light went back to my bed and happened to look up at my ceiling in the general area of my door. I'm sure my jaw dropped, hanging on my ceiling, upside down was a spider that was about half as bit as my pinky finger, maybe a tad bit smaller.
We had problems with those spiders before, I had like three in my room last year. They're so huge and ugly that I started calling them Goliath spiders. Well named, they're the biggest type of spider I've seen in my freaking room!
I stared at the spider groaning inwardly, moments before I had been thinking about how much I hated squishing spiders because it's work. If they're outside, big deal, I don't care. Inside my room? that's treading on personal property. I don't take very lightly to that grievance.
I was half tempted just to let that sucker go, but figured, one way or another it would end up in my bed and that I could not bear the thought of.
I watched it and sighed, "Right now would be a really good time to own a shot gun."
I geared up pulling on my knee-high boots (Anything shorter wouldn't suffice for such a big spider) and a hoodie to keep it away from my skin as I silently prayed that I wouldn't get bit.
The spider crawled to where the wall met the ceiling as I was pulling on leather gloves, started crawling and then fell onto the floor where it sat there and then skittered towards the door. I plowed down on that sucker with my boot making it seriously regret ever stepping one of its eight legs into my room. It was gross.
I've only seen one other spider on the ceiling, literally upside down before. It was kind of odd. It also reminded me of the Secret Keeper (yes, here I go talking about my characters again, hey, can't help it comes with being an author =D) because I compare him to a spider, calling him the spidery king of an imprisoned castle. Most of my characters are compared to animals so you can better know their personalities. Spiders like to hide, weave webs and wait for their prey to come, they rarely venture out into the open and when they do, it's either quickly or with careful intentions of getting to safety. They do their work and return to hiding. That's how the Secret Keeper is, and like with a spider, if you bother him, he'll either flee or attack you.
Amaarzar (he's one of the bad guys, in case you forgot =D a wraith with a highly dominate personality, kind of like the Witch-king of Angmar) is a shark. Curious, nasty, always looking for prey, for someone to attack, he doesn't bother to hide very often because everyone already knows he's a threat. When he smells blood, he's on it. He's a bit more careful than a shark, still looking for safety, and I'm starting to realize that he has a different side than the one he's let me see for the past two years. He's got a practical joker side which makes sense. His living self was a practical joker, that personality won't let go of you very easily and Amaarzar's pranks tend to be rather nasty.
I'm also starting to see that he's sarcastic as well, but I guess that makes sense, I'm a sarcastic person and it would be hard not to let that part of me shine through such an important character. I'm sorry that I'm blabbing, but this is an important realization for me. My little character has grown up! Gotten his own personality, going out in that big world and leaving momma's wing. It's just so *sniff* heartwarming.
Okay granted, Amaarzar certainly wouldn't need protection from me. more like the other way around. That shark is not something to mess with. He's a conniving devil and the only one really up to snuff in combating Amaarzar and actually having a chance at survival is the Secret Keeper and that's because the Secret Keeper is just as broken, just as hurt, just as nasty, and defensive.
Your characters really pick up parts of you. I see it everyday in what my characters struggle with. Some of them reflect my weaker side, others my strong side and what I wish I could be. Amaarzar for instance reflects the bitter anger I feel when someone hurts me badly. Betrayal. But that really isn't spoken about with Amaarzar, he doesn't speak of what happened to him and what caused him to fall. It is however spoken with from Aster, who's best friend betrayed him.
I've had so many people do that to me. I can even remember one of my bestest friends looking at a magnet my mom has on our fridge that reads some friends are forever and saying to each other, "we'll be forever."
I can't even talk to her now and sometimes I even forget that we WERE friends. I wonder if she ever remembers best friends forever?
The bitterness may come out strongly from Aster, I apologize, but it hurts when someone you trust and love turns their back on you. Aster, the Secret Keeper, Amaaarzar, they're all defensive, protecting that inner part of themselves that's been bitterly torn, wanting to be healed, but not knowing how and not wanting someone else to nurse the hurt. Watching them, writing their thoughts all made me realize that I can be exactly the same way. When I'm scared of being hurt, I grow claws and fangs and turn into a raging beast. I don't know how to fix this part of me and this is why I really connect with Amaarzar. The other two find help, get relief. Amaarzar never does.
I know these words probably mean nothing to you now. But when you read my books, it'll be easier to understand what I'm saying. I hope. I'm currently writing a part where my only female protagonist who's POV I write from is discovering something about the Secret Keeper, words he wrote before he fell into darkness. I hope you understand, but I'd like to get back to that, it was really intense. So until then :)
If my words confuse you, leave a question, I'll try to clear it up without giving major spoilers. I'd like to blab about my books! But that would totally give it away for you!
Here's something that may help.
Aster is a thief and my main character.
the Secret Keeper is a hideous wraith with a mysterious side mixed in with the nastiness, I write from his POV in the second book when you won't hate him as much for being so nasty.
Amaarzar is a wraith and the Secret Keeper's enemy. Amaarzar is the leader of the antagonists you meet in the series. Mostly.
POV, is a fancy way of saying point-of-view. :D

Long

Sorry, long time no post! It was a long hectic week last week with TWO visits to the doctor. Ugh. I'm getting sick of this, they can't figure out what's wrong with me and I seriously feel like rubbish. I went on Wednesday and that doctor sent me to another to have a...well I forgot what it was, oh yeah, ultrasound to look at my upper abdomen to make sure everything looked okay. It was kind of odd and everything I saw on the screen looked bad, especially this big ole black spot that was apparently on my spleen and it looked like my spleen was WAY too big. But hey, I'm no doctor, I couldn't tell my liver from a kidney.
I also had a chest x-ray because I have this bad cough that leaves me tasting blood. That really made camping fun. Woo.
The upside to this is that I watched the third Lord of the Rings movie and loved it. Granted I had a horrible headache and could hardly focus on anything happening, but the Nazgul were back, so I was happy. I was especially happy (WAIT! this is a spoiler, if you haven't seen the movie, skip to the next paragraph!) when the eagles came and attacked the Nazgul on their fell beasts. I know sounds awful, here's why, I saw one of the Nazgul fall off his fell beast! That means one of the Nine wasn't destroyed when Mt. Doom blew up! I hope it was Khamul because sadly there's no hope for the Witch-king, he deflated :'( we will mourn you, Witch-king, for your awesomeness I will miss. Although it made me kind of sad to think that that poor wraith is wandering around by himself after eons of being with eight others, but then again, after eons of constantly having to fight with eight others, being alone was probably a blessing!
Yeah, I'll admit it, I'm hopeless. While people look up pictures of cute boys, I'm searching for Nazgul. I just like the way they look, reminds me of my wraiths and as dumb as it may seem, wraiths are incredibly difficult to draw! Not as though they'd want it to be easy for us living to draw them. Pfft!
I'm also happy today because I managed to write, I've had such an off time with writing that I've wanted to take up knitting instead. The second book in Twisted always gets to me, but I refuse to be defeated! I wrote from the Secret Keeper's POV and it made me love him all the more and I got a better understanding of why he acted the way he did in the first book. Wraiths speak their own cryptic languages, expressions, glares, and body language mean so much! I realized that I'm taking their cryptic language from the language of horses, (yes, hopeless horse addict here!) A back turned in horse lingo means leave me alone, I don't want to see you or be touched by you, same thing in wraith lingo, and if you push that bubble, both horse and wraith will feel threatened by your intrusion.
This writing is also teaching me a valuable lesson, I shouldn't strive for perfection, there's no chance that I'll reach it. I'm still trying to figure out what goes where and the only way I'll learn that is by writing!
I'm really grateful for the days when the Secret Keeper cooperates with me, or more like, when I listen to him. Yes, your characters will pick up lives of their own, my characters certainly have and the one that normally gives me the most grief is the Secret Keeper. He's so stubborn! But on days when he's working with me, man, it's amazing. He speaks so formally, you wouldn't expect it from one among the undead, but I have a hard time imagining them speaking with street language. I mean imagine the Witch-king coming up to you and saying, "Cho, gimmie dat ring, I'm gonna take it to mah boss and he's gonna pull curtains on you!"
Frodo would probably say something like, "What?"
It's the same reason why I have a hard time imagining them using swear words, I personally hate swear words and so when I watched a YouTube movie where they had the Nazgul swear, I was taken aback, like whoa, they wouldn't say that! that kind of speech to the undead is just another reason why we living are so extremely odd to them.
Sorry, I'm going off about the undead again. I probably drive my siblings CRAZY with how much I say. I'm just fascinated with the mindsets of the undead, they're so greedy and self-centered it's funny! Granted if I had to swap places with Aster, the Secret Keeper would drive me positively bonkers! I'd want to grab his shoulders and shake his noggin around while screaming, "IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!"
Of course that would be seen as an intrusion of his space and would not be all that well. :)
Okay, here's a speed drawing I found of a wraith, it reminds me of Amaarzar, so I like it. I mean wraiths of sand? Kind of the like the Terrors of the Sands. Hehehe. And NO I didn't copy that, I didn't make the connection until about three seconds ago!
Anyway, I know the audio cuts out, so play the movie below it when it does and you have nice music until the audio comes back :D

BTW, wraith above, not something I'd want to have a chance meeting with in the middle of the night! And for the other music, you can click on it and it should take you to YouTube so you can see what it is. I'm not sure of the name, only that I like it :) I think it's called Always Watching You by Paul Colliner, or something like that. So yeah.

Week of Torture

So I'm starting to wish for camping. Seriously. This has been a week of torture and it's only about to get worse. I went to the dentist yesterday, and that was awful, but at least I was cavity free. Yay. I just didn't enjoy having them pushing up on my gums, which bled, a lot.
Then today I went to the doctors, again, and I have to got back for more tests, but I'm pretty sure they aren't going to find anything because I'm getting this sneaky feeling that they're not looking in the right place, but I'm too afraid to actually say what I think they should look for...so whatever right? An ulcer wouldn't cause palpitations, that's all I'm saying.
Sorry, I don't have much to say, I'm tired and I need to pack for an overnighter, so yeah :)

Home Again!

Okay, so I spent the entire weekend (well most of it) camping and usually I'm a camper, but this year, whoo, I was more than ready to just go home and waste my brains in front of a computer for a couple of hours.
We left on Friday at about 5 in the evening and I was perfectly okay with that, those of you who know about cooking in Dutch ovens will understand why, dinner takes FOREVER to cook and my grandparents and aunts and uncle were cooking dinner as we drove up. The ride was insanely long, but at least my siblings got along, usually we have the "he's poking me!" "She's breathing my air!" "He won't stop bugging me!" kind of arguments that drive everyone else in the car INSANE!
I also don't like winding roads that follow rivers, especially roads that are like one lane thick but two cars are driving in it anyway, yow, hate that. I'm always afraid that we're going to tip into the river. Yeah, so we got up into the campground after an hour of driving, and by this time you know, I was pretty well okay, except I needed a restroom, badly. And here's the reason I wanted to go home so bad, they were pit potties. You know a half-inch step up from outhouses? Yuck! I mentioned before that I've been on trek, something my church does to celebrate our pioneer ancestors where we have to use Porta-Potties for four days. I started calling them the Green Monsters, and I'm sure if I'd had my head on straight, I would've called this campground's pit potties, the Brown and Smelly Monsters because those suckers had a stench! Seriously, you could smell it from about thirty feet away!
Okay, that might be exaggerating, but trust me, it was bad.
Also, I was starting to have some intense pain in my stomach and chest, so bad I could hardly move and my younger cousins that seem to idolize me wanted me to run around with them and I was sure I was going to pass out! My younger sister sat with me as I groaned in pain, which was really nice because she's super funny and I don't talk with her as much as I want to.
Then came bedtime, I talked with my two other siblings who were in the tent with me, and we laughed until about 12 pm until we passed out, but we were also a little apprehensive because we were told that there had been a bear spotting near the dam area and the dam area was about 15 minutes from where we were sleeping in TENTS! My mom slept with a baseball bat and my brother, younger brother mind you, who is almost 6 inches taller than me and a lot more muscly, had a hammer. I wasn't worried, I was too tired but I could hear something that sounded like a garbage can getting rolled around and I thought it was a bear so when I fell asleep at last, I dreamt about talking bears.
It was a cold night and I tossed and turned through a lot it (when I wasn't dreaming about Yogi Bear's cousin) and at 5:30 my sister woke me up and hauled me up to the bathroom, it was a bit of walk to get to a pit and I've discovered over my many years of camping that if you want to make life easier while you're suffering in the woods, always, and I mean ALWAYS keep a small thing of germ-buster in your pocket, it will save some tears, trust me!
I won't go into much details about Saturday, you'd get bored, I was bored! Morning was okay, I guess, but I burned my taste buds on hot chocolate, lost my quickly depleting appetite during breakfast, turkey bacon, eeuck! I'm sorry, it looked like rubber and like any good hobbit, I tend to like my bacon crispy, not flappy.
Then all my cousins decided to climb this massive rock by my grandparents' campground, that sucker was like Mt. Everest, miniature. I climbed up and sat with my younger cousins, the ones that idolize me, and I was okay because I was on Motrin so I wasn't in pain then, but I could hear my older sister talking with the cousin my age (the one I'm not terribly fond of, but I had a breakthrough on Friday night, she actually said what? when I said something to her, a miracle!) about her boyfriend and my cousin started spouting about her boyfriends and I felt like a loser because the only boy that's ever talked to me for more than five minutes was Steve and he was a freshman!
I had to get off that rock, too much pressure, especially when my sister and cousin crawled up there and started yapping about their boyfriends right next to me. I hate that. I'm not too proud about the way I look, I'm not that smart when it comes to school and my sister and cousin are both extremely pretty, and smart and I feel like a piece of rubble getting compared to precious gemstones around them.
I dove off that rock and stuck in my iPod listening to Haunted by Taylor Swift. I don't know why I stuck around the campground for as long as I did, but eventually, I gave up and went back to my family's and hid in the tent feeling sick and upset listening to Stop and Erase by Selena Gomez. And NO, my iPod is not completely full of angry songs, just mostly :)
After that it was just a really LONG afternoon. I finished the Two Towers something I'd been chipping at for weeks, I read a good 80 maybe 90 pages and discovered that Shelob really irks me and I really couldn't look at spiders, but I was really happy because I read the word wraith about five times. It was also a happy afternoon because my cousins that I really can't stand went home and I shed no tears over their departing.
That evening was just as cold and miserable because my air mattress went flat and I was so cold I could hardly sleep and my sister started talking in her sleep, can't remember what she said, but yeah. Oh and the camp hosts kept driving by in their stupid little golf carts at TWELVE O'CLOCK in the night.
My mom had had enough, obviously, she woke us up at 6 and we packed up with our cold fingers and were out of there by 8. My family all showered and got ready for church, but I crawled into bed because I was feeling awful again and I stayed home with my youngest sister who slept for about four hours, she's 7 and sooo cute when she's asleep.
We went back up to trade cars with my grandparents and to roast marshmallows for the last time, and I was having so much trouble just roasting a good one, they'd either burn or meet some unfortunate fate, like my brother blowing on the fire and getting ash all over them, or me dropping them against the burning wood, or just lighting on fire, and then the fire popped on them and I just gave up and took the burnt marshmallows from other people.
I was happy to come home and sleep in my bed and use a flushing toilet, I didn't realize how much I missed the sound of that harmonic fluuush! And Wi-Fi I missed that! I'm glad to be home, because I'm still not feeling great, and I like my bed better than I will ever like an air-mattress!

The day that could've gone right and went just plain weird instead pt. 1

Sorry I didn't post anything yesterday, it was an odd day, and I don't have a lot of time right now, so this may be in two parts :)
Yes, yesterday was extremely weird, I had a doctor's appointment at ten-thirty but didn't roll out of bed until about 9:40, I was just sooo tired, I couldn't move.
Oh, sorry, my violin teacher called, I'm going with her to play with the horses, sooo please hold for a couple hours =D I'll finish this post when I get home.

Okay, it's been later :)

Yeah, so I couldn't crawl out of bed, and at the doctor's appointment I was half asleep and I'm not really that friendly when half my mind is still asleep so I was kind of dazed with the "uh huh" kind of thing and had blood drawn again. It was a lot of blood, holy cow, I didn't watch the nurse take it, but I looked over and there were like eight vials full of blood. Yow.
But that's not the weird part the weird part was getting my ears cleaned because apparently they were 100% full of wax and if you've never had your ears cleaned, I'm jealous, it sucks. The nurse sprayed water in my ear and that hurt, then she picked in my ear and that hurt even worse, so over all it was like getting a cavity filled in my ear. Needless to say, I dread going back next week to have them do it again.
Then I went to violin lessons and my violin teacher got mixed up on the days and thought I wasn't having a lesson this week, but it worked out okay anyway. Then my mom came to come pick me up and our ancient van just died right there. No big deal right? Well, yeah, my grandparents are camping, neighbors we could've called were on vacation and my older sister who can drive was at work and so was my dad and we were kind of stranded.
My mom called my dad and he said he'd come rescue us as we cursed our stupid old van that was running with dinosaurs, because cars run right? Anyway, so we explained to my violin teacher what was going on so we looked less weird just sitting there, seriously we couldn't go anywhere, the van would backup, but the moment my mom tried to put it in drive, it would vibrate like it was going to explode and just die. We sat there for an hour frying in the sun, it was dinner time too and the only thing we had to look at were some old cards of recipes that were looking insanely delicious.
After an hour and a half of sitting there wishing that we weren't my dad came, hopped in the van and started it up, backed up at first, then put it in drive and guess what? The stupid thing started, really. It was dead for an hour and a half, then my dad drove it and it ran. Sheesh. Needless to say, I drove back with my mom in the more reliable car we were borrowing from my grandpa.
And as if it couldn't get any odder, my parents went grocery shopping and their milk had a little accident all over the floor. :)
So it was just an odd day for my family, I didn't get much writing done, I'm so tired it's impossible to do much. :(
So yeah, I'm going camping tomorrow, normally I enjoy it, but it's with my whole family, cousins and stuff. I love my siblings and grandparents and aunts and uncles.
My cousins on the other hand.
Ugh.
I like most of them, but there are these two that I see regularly that treat me like the dog doo on the bottom of their shoes. I'm not kidding, I was trying to joke with my one cousin, TALKING STRAIGHT TO HER SNOTTY FACE and she completely IGNORED me. Needlessly, I'm not so fond of her and I'd rather go fishing with the Secret Keeper and the Witch-King, two dominant wraiths in the SAME tiny canoe, than spend the weekend with HER. It's that bad.
Yeah, I'm predicting that I'll be coming back on Monday and have quite a bit to right, but for now :) I think I'm going to take a nap. I'm so tired, I can't even handle it.

A word from my not so quick tongue

So I'm still waiting on my editor. I'm hoping she'll send it back this week because we're going camping this weekend and I'd like something to do while I'm sitting up there with flies buzzing around my head. Seriously, they're attracted to my bright red hair, no I'm not ashamed of my hair (most of the time) but I'd still prefer to have blond hair or brown hair that is perfectly straight. But hey, at least I share that in common with Aster the Terrible. He's got hair as red as mine.
That happens every time I start writing, I've written a couple books before Twisted grasped my heart, (does that mean I have a Twisted heart, haha see what I did there?) and all the time I want my main character to have hair like mine. It doesn't always work, my pirate chick named Jamie had blond hair, but at least two others Kathleen and Kira (both from different stories, Kathleen was from the first book I ever finished, Path Way to Evelon, super cheesy and I could never bring myself to write it again, bleuck!) but when I got to Twisted I said to myself, "Aster is going to have brown hair." my first drawing of him, as awful as it is, has him with brown hair.
But alas, I couldn't fight destiny. Aster is a red head with the temper to go with it, and yes, before you ask, I have a pretty bad temper. It's gotten better over the years, when I was 12 I had a hot little tongue, it still shows up on occasion and I am the most stubborn person alive when that happens. The same attitude shows up in Aster, (we'd get along so great! And yes, he's young and cute!) but he's not quite as willing to tone down on the flames as I am. When I get angry, I tend to say really stupid things that I regret later, so it's better to hold my tongue than remove all doubt of my foolhood. ;)
Though sometimes I wish I was as quick with my tongue as I am with a pen. My retorts are the typical cheesy, "You wish I was that!" or "No, you are!" So insulting, but I can get pretty dang insulting when I have time to think about it, the crossfire between Amaarzar and the Secret Keeper, two wraiths that REALLY hate each other, is pretty intense as they talk about burning souls, but if I were the Secret Keeper in that position, I'd be stumbling to keep up with Amaarzar. I guess it's a good thing, my fiery tongue could probably hurt people pretty badly and I don't want to do that.
Yeah, that's all about I have to say today, other than I had a strange dream last night. I dreamt that I was with Aragorn and Legolas and I think Gimli and we were running from Orcs with my youngest sister who is seven. We got to this place where we had to crawl right past an enormous camp of Orcs and I was getting ready to punch them in the face as I reviewed crazy I thought Aragorn was for making me march right past those nasty things. We got past the Orcs and to this place where there as water, the Orcs were still searching for us so we had to be fast but my sister was wimpering and I was trying to figure how to best protect my iPod from getting ruined. Brilliance right? Orcs are coming and all I could do was worry about my poor iPod. What an adventurer I'd make.
No really, I have the mentality of a thief and the build of one too, short and slim, though thanks to my recent health problems I'm not so athletic anymore :( but yeah, as for bravery, Aragorn readily tops me, he's at a brimming 175% and I'm probably at a measly little 45%.
So now you know, like Aster, I am a wimp! But don't think any less of me, I'm working on my less than brave mind. :) Hey I have the bravado to get up at 6 during summer and write when I really didn't want to, so there. :)

Just Waiting

I don't have much to post today. I'm just waiting. Waiting for my editor to send back my book. Sigh, this seems to be taking forever, every time I get an email, I jump onto it hoping that it's her about to send it back...but not luck, it's usually just YouTube.
Yeah.
Oh and I got in a fight with a horse trailer yesterday. I didn't move far enough away from it as I was scooting past it and scraped up my stomach pretty badly. Oops. My bad. It felt good, real good, especially since for some dumb reason I kept touching it in my sleep last night and waking myself up and thinking ow, that hurt! It meaning the lovely scratch. I should put a Band-Aid on that sucker, but eh, I don't like having Band-Aids anywhere but on my legs or arms, they just get irritating when they're other places and it's not bleeding so I guess there's really no point.
Yes, and I'm also really grateful for YouTube, why? Because there are diligent people out there who go to all the work to explain how to do really tough levels in video games so you don't have to guess. Ahhh, yes, I'm lazy, but in my defense it feels like I found every glitch in the Lego Lord of the Rings game on the first day I played it. I'm also kind of irritated with that game because you have to wait for night to come out to buy certain characters, thereby meaning the Nazgul, and it won't be night in the game. I was like "Oh you stupid wraiths, just come out during the day and make me happy."
If you've been paying any attention to my past posts, you'd know that probably wouldn't go over to well for me :D Wraiths hate the sun, and they really hate little bossy redheaded girls.
My older sister and only brother watched the Two Towers last night, or at least started it. I was actually kind of bored with it because the Nazgul weren't in it (I know! I'm pathetic! It's why I like my books, there's a wraith on almost every page!) but then it went to the part with the Dead Marshes, as I believe they're called. Here goes with my insane bravery, I write about the undead everyday, I know a lot about them, but watching Frodo lean over to look at the dead guy in the water, I was having a freak out attack, predicting, "It's going to open its eyes!" my siblings were probably rolling their eyes, I have a bad history with eyeballs, I screamed during Scooby-Doo (the old version of Scooby-Doo too!) and then Frodo fell into the water.
If you've seen the movie, you know what happens next. If you haven't, skip this part, or it'll be a spoiler. :)
So for those of you who have seen the movie you know that Frodo starts sinking down as undead ghosties come reaching for his face. My first reaction was AHHHHHH!!!! Cover my eyes! Don't peek! Don't listen! But I didn't, I kept watching, and then I thought is that REALLY what the undead look like? Sick! Then I said, "They want Frodo's face!"
Yeah, overall explanation behind that? People spend too much time glorifying the undead. Even though it seems like I do that, trust me, I don't. The undead existence is a pathetic one, and the only reason most undead beings won't admit to it is because they're too proud, or too stupid to realize. The ones that do silently mourn the loss of their connection with the living. I think we should focus more on the living than on the undead, because face it, most of the time people portray the undead wrongly anyway, just under my personal opinion. Zombies sooo overrated! If you go google it and look on more accurate sights you'll see that zombies DON'T TALK, they're risen from the dead to be the servants of a necromancer, either living or a lich. They are the lesser undead, meaning they don't have enough brain in that rotted head to reason whether stepping off a cliff or not would be a good idea.
The reasoning undead, wraiths, and so forth are the ones you should be worried about, if you lived in a world where they existed. They don't here, so don't worry, you can take that graveyard stroll and the only active thing in there will be your imagination. :)
BTW, most undead don't hang around graveyards. They have better things to do. You'll probably run into ghouls, or skeletons, maybe zombies but that's about it. A wraith? Forget it, the living will be hanging around a cemetery and they don't like us.
Hopefully I haven't made you mad or annoyed with my ranting, I'm trying to make a point with my books, umm, as soon as I figure out what that point is...remember what is written above is completely my opinion and how it's set up in the world of Twisted, and I don't want any comments telling me that zombies can talk! Gracious! I hate zombies! I've done my research, as gross as it sometimes was, those pictures...yeuck! I've based my undead on what I learned from researching them and yes my wraiths are somewhat like the Nazgul, in terms to how they fell or "faded" as Arwen put it. Self-denial can be a dangerous thing, and I mean denial of who you are, not being selfless, wraiths are very selfish.
On a happier note, if you aren't totally disgusted with me by now :) I found another great music composer on YouTube. I like sharing these with you guys so that you can enjoy them too, because I'm starting to like lyricless music, so much junk out there!

http://www.youtube.com/user/RyannMusical?feature=
And here's some music that he's made that I think is totally awesome

It's called Sound of Falling Rain, :)

Dreams Do/n't Come True

Okay, I've got good news. Finally. No my editor hasn't sent my book back, and I'm chewing nails to the bone in anxiousness over it. This has to do with horses.
If you remember from a posting I published some time ago (not sure when, I've kind of had an empty mind for a while now) I wrote that horses were the reason I started writing. I wanted to sell enough copies of my book so I could buy my own. I was so desperate for contact with horses, I relished every over the fence touch to a soft muzzle. Always that girl on the sidelines pretending she had something to do.
Ah, but no more! My violin teacher came to my rescue. She owns three horses, and she's letting me help her with them! I've been waiting for this "Moondance Alexander" moment since I was fourteen! It just took a while and I'm glad that I ended up where I did. My violin teacher is an awesome person.
Hopefully with working with Gypsy, the horse, obviously, I will get savvy enough that when I do have the funds to buy my own horse I'll be able to handle it.
I think I might pass out with sheer joy when that happens. Wooo!
The only problem I feel with this arrangement is that Gypsy is a very sweet horse, but she isn't mine. I can get kind of possessive about things, (anything, you name it, I've probably pulled a "my precious" over it) and I still feel kind of distanced because I don't own a horse. My parents and others that I've talked to about this don't really get it, but there's nothing quite like having an equine partner that dives for the fence just so he can spend time with you. That happened to me yesterday, Gypsy came in from a pasture of grass straight to me, and my violin teacher said, "She came to you!"
I can't wait until it's my horse and I don't have to second guess what I'm doing, but until then, I am ECSTATIC to finally be able to touch a horse for longer than five minutes!
Last week I went with my violin teacher to help her with a presentation at her daughter's school. She's taught Cheyenne and Gypsy to do tricks, and it's just amazing to watch. I got to be Gypsy's handler, basically meaning I stood holding the lead rope as she grazed. I also watched the kids sitting and watching remembering my elementary school days when that was me. The wannabe on the sidelines. It was so nice to not be that way anymore, I finally got to be the one with the horse. I've waited close to twelve years for that moment.
So, dreams do or don't come true? I'm not sure. I'm still kind of worried that something is going to happen like it has with all the other horsey experiences I've got where I'm suddenly chucked into the outskirts and left struggling. I'm hoping that won't happen this time, but still, I'm wary. But I'm going to enjoy my time with Gypsy the Arabian, she's already taught me a lot from the six times I've been out to help with the horses, mainly, "When I go for the treats, move those fingers!"

I Win >:)

First day of summer vacation. Ahhh. How did I celebrate it? By sleeping in. Okay 8 in the morning is still early for some people, but I just spent the last eight (or is it nine?) months waking up regularly at 5! 8 is a nice break!
Also I tossed and turned until about one last night so I think I deserved a sleeping in.
Anyway, I've come across this brief decision to help me to overcome my feelings of "my book sucks. no one will like it" yadda, yadda. I've decided that I just don't care. People can like it or not like it. Big deal, I'm not writing for them I'm writing for me. Because I love writing, it's part of who I am as a person. My brain is constantly swirling with ideas and stories that I'm telling myself (so if you meet me and I giggle at random, it's not because I'm crazy! I'm working with my story and a lot of my characters are hilariously sarcastic, (yes, the ever-famed Secret Keeper is among them!)) so yeah.
I don't care.
That doesn't mean I won't have panic attacks. Sometimes when I look at the successes of others, I feel like I've failed. But I have to remind myself that JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE SUCCEEDS DOESN'T MEAN THAT I AUTOMATICALLY FAIL! In other words, someone else's success is not my failure! I can't judge how well my book will sell by looking at how well another one did, and I seriously doubt the author of that book would rub it in my face! Unless they were like super mean, but you know, that's their problem, all the other authors I've meet (both in person and over the net, (ha! net! I feel so technical now!) have been really nice and encouraging!
Look as odd as this sound, we authors are like a really close knit group of friends. We all suffer through the same aches and pains of sitting for hours on end as our brains struggle to be creative. We need to encourage each other up, and all those people who want to write a book.
So yeah, I sort of went off topic there, but you get what I mean right? I don't want to feel like I've failed because my book that hasn't been published yet isn't being read as much as say, Fablehaven. I love those books BTW, Seth is such a moron, it's hilarious! Brandon Mull got the spirit of a young boy exactly right! We applaud you Mr. Mull!
Yep, it's the eight-thirty pep talk I usually end up giving to myself almost everyday! I write because I love to write. That's it. Not because I want money. Yuck. Actually I like things the way they are (though I could do without baked potatoes, some people consider them worth eating out, I don't even consider them worthy of the rubbish bin!) but I'm terrified that my computer that is almost as old as I am is going to give out! I'd cry! All my hard work!
Cry, then, I'd kill it. How dare you die!
Yeah,
Oh and on the news for the lawnmower? No, it's not dead, but it's dancing on that line. My dad sharpened the blades so it helped, it was like we were trying to cut the lawn with a butter knife, not a sword. Oops :)
And on a more worrisome side, my health issues have been getting worse. I'm in pain practically every time I move. Breathing is a struggle, at night it's so bad I want to put an ice pack on my chest to help! The palpitations have practically been knocking off my feet and I have positively NO appetite. Not even for pancakes or waffles! It's sad!
And then I found this really odd patch of skin on my stomach, it looks like a bruise with scaly skin on it and it's spreading! Same odd kind of bruises on my legs. So uhh, nothing eh? Nothing would go away right? This is getting worse!
Okay, for those of you who made it through my health worries (sheesh! A proper diagnosis would be REALLY nice! To the past three doctors I've been to read my lips, THIS IS NOT NOTHING!!!!) anyway, I finished the Fellowship of the Ring in a week and some days. I nearly cried when the Nazgul were washed away, and I've discovered that I really, really hate Ewoyn! I'd throw a rock at her to distract her as she was fighting the Witch-King. I know, awful, but she reminds me too much of certain girls that I know! And yes, I've seen the movies, well, most of them, I skimped out on the second one to pace out ideas for the newly forming world of Twisted.
Not convinced of my status as a nerd yet? Well, I bought the Lord of the Rings lego Wii game! I even practically begged my younger sister to help me buy it! Okay, she offered to help (I love my sister!) and I think I may have her getting nerdy about the Lord of the Rings, though she may only watch and read it for the same reason as me, the Nazgul. :) and Aragorn, I'll admit, he's pretty cool. I was amazed at his bravery in the movies.
Confront five wraiths? Forget it! I'm off the other side of Weathertop!
Fight and octopus thingy that's eating Frodo? Um...I'm off to the side cheering them on.
In other words, I have the mentality of a thief, something my good buddy Steve from that class readily agreed on. A thief spends most of his (her!) time finding ways to survive, and forget winning the stupid jewel by fighting, I'll just steal it! This would all be provided that we lived in medieval times (namely Twisted!) But even then, I'm not about to go take something that isn't mine! I couldn't get away from the guards!
Okay, I'm done. But now that it's summer, I'm going to have a hard time nabbing a computer with the Internet. My sisters are computer addicts (when they're not playing Twisted with me, I have them well trained! They know exactly who is who, and who you run from or not!) so please forgive me if my postings become sporadic! :) Have a good summer y'all.
Great, now I'm a nerd and a hick!