I'm Waiting Just Waiting

You know how it feels when you're waiting for something? How everything seems to take twice as long if you want it to happen and then goes twice as fast when you don't? Yeah I'm in that kind of a mood right now.
My dad ordered a proof copy of Twisted for me. It's just to polish it up and to see the final results. The predicted day for it to arrive is November 4th. So faaar away from here....:(
Yesterday I went to the opening party for my section of NaNoWriMo (National Writing Month of November) it was fun until I started talking to some of the other authors there. I mentioned that I was published and was practically attacked. The person I was speaking to did not seem impressed that I was a published author and went on to blah about how it was impossible for an author to make a living by "just writing" UNLESS you have a best seller.
Steam in my ears I still managed to be polite.
I don't think there's anything else that I can really do BESIDES write. I have no patience for rude people and tend to rip them a new one where they least expect it (hehehe) if I got a job at a fast food restaurant you guys would never hear the end of "this person did this" "that person did that" and I'm bored just writing that.
In other words I'm really struggling with what to do. On one hand I DO NOT UNDER ANY KIND OF CIRCUMSTANCE EVEN UNDER DEATH ITSELF WANT TO GET A JOB!!!!! Yes, that ought to get my feelings about that across quite nicely. I look at the people I know with jobs and they way they answer questions about what they're doing with their lives and it's always "Oh, I'm working."
*Nazgul scream, which I know how to do, by the way. You suck air in.
It's NEVER been a goal of mine to be owned by a company that only wants me for money. Honestly is EVERYTHING about $$$!?
Buuut on the other hand I don't want to get stuck in a financial bend because I didn't get a job soon enough and die an, as Anne of Green Gables puts it "old maid."
It's also kind of frustrating because every is practically screaming at me to get a job when I really don't want one, don't know if I'm ready for one, and am generally unhappy with the whole stupid situation. A good friend acts as though getting a job is the "grown up thing to do" and I'm not sure if I'm ready to "grow up" either.
Yes, I'm eighteen. Yes that immediately entitles some kind of responsibility but what if I DO NOT want to follow societies norms? I mean honestly and I ask this of myself, when have I ever followed societies norms? I don't care about the latest fashions, I don't like showing every ounce of skin that I possibly can, and I'm not into singers (though Taylor Swift, the Piano Guys and Lindsey Stirling often grab my attention) and I could honestly care less about actors, except Prince Caspian, mmm that boy is fine. ;)
I don't want to grow up and be like the rest of the world. Seriously! I don't want to follow the middle class trends. Someday I want to write about how happy I am being financially independent and able to help. It frustrates me because my dad has been helping me through the efforts of  getting my book published and I don't even have enough money to buy him a stupid candy bar to say thank you.
You know those coming of age stories where the character makes a vastly important decision about how his or her life is going to go? I feel like I'm at that point but I don't know what to choose. The future is such a mystery that I want to scream every time I think about it.
And the saddest thing for me is that I keep telling people that I HAVE a job already and that I am VERY happy with it and I would be generally UNHAPPY if I had to give it up. I write. Words. Words. Words. In fact, if one will get technical, I've already completed NaNoWriMo, or I could finish it in two weeks. Seriously! It's that easy for me to get 50,000 words! And it seems like my talent, my love for writing is being OVERLOOKED! It makes me want to grab my hair and throw a fit. In the "grand scheme of things" I will still be an author, and I will keep writing until the day that I am physically incapable of doing so, and even that will not stop me from composing stories.
I know that before we were born we lived and with that knowledge comes the revelation that even before I was born I was making up stories. Even as a little girl I was creating worlds of my own. Is that going to be overlooked? Will that be ignored? It makes me miserable to consider. I like what I'm doing already and if the world can't accept that fact or even tries to take it away from me then I will never be whole.
I apologize for this very long rant, but it feels marvelous to put my words down somewhere. No one will listen. They're all far too busy to be concerned with the woes of an eighteen-year-old who doesn't want to be grown up yet. I wish that those around me would tell me that they are proud of what I have done instead of telling me to "stop bragging" about it. It's been building up all week and now, emotional upheaval, spilling out.
I don't want everything that I have done to be overlooked and ignored. Being able to write 50,000 words (that's about 175 pages , depending on your font and font size) in two weeks is not something everyone can do. Will that be ignored to fit in the "grand (STUPID) scheme of things"?
I'm sorry. It's a lot of frustration on my part.
Exhausted and emotionally torn, Tayla out.