For those of you returning you read my raw emotions. I may seem strong on the surface, but inside I can be watery and scared.
The truth is I'm not very social. I don't like being around loud people and watching them with their friends. I've tried several times to make friends, but unless they reach out first, nothing seems to happen. I have tried to befriend the lonely people, the friendly people but none of them seemed to want anything to do with me or were friendly until their friends showed up and suddenly I was the background, a chair.
Now I panic when things happen. The way Pat Parelli phrases it, it's like I turned right brain and there is no longer any logic, just a firm desire to protect myself and get out.
It was my mistake, though I feel stupid to admit it.
To my friend, GAH! I feel really dumb. I'm sorry. I went right brained this morning. I hope I haven't hurt you, I'm sure I have some explaining to do in person. I am not as strong as you may think. The wounds from my past have scabbed, but they're still raw and pop open now and again.
I'm sorry. It's my fault. What can I do to make it better?
I'm not sure what happened since it seems like there was a posting that you deleted before I (as an incredibly slow blogger) looked at your blog. But whatever happened between you and your friend, don't worry. I'm sure he or she will understand. Just don't be afraid to explain and be yourself. I'm sure you can get it all cleared up.
ReplyDeleteAnd, as a side note, you're not the only one who's too hasty. A huge issue came up for me at work this week that I was furious at my employer over. I was certain he'd thrown me to the wolves and when he wouldn't talk about it I made up my mind to look for a new job. This afternoon I found out my co-worker and I had read the whole situation wrong. It's too long of a story to give details, but I can say that I got quite the reminder that even when it's obvious what's happening people aren't always letting you down when it seems like they are.
Yes I was incredibly stupid. It's funny how those in the moment times can really mess up your thinking and leave you working with only half an angry brain. I still feel really stupid now for misinterpreting the whole situation.
DeleteMy friend is a really good person, I don't want anyone to not understand that. She is the most wonderful person I know. So selfless and kind. I feel really dumb for hurting her.