Anyway, I just went birthday shopping and I'm feeling very proud of myself. I bought a signed copy of Seeds of Rebellion by Brandon Mull. Yes. It was a good shopping trip, despite the fact that I spent about 2 hours on Trax.
I also solved a vexing problem in Twisted this morning, so it's been a pretty good day.
Except.
And you knew this was coming.
Straight back to that class.
Yes. That class started today. The one I was complaining about earlier. Ow. I walked in looked around, shrank down and had to fight tears.
Steve wasn't there. I was alone.
It's going to be a long year. But at least I'm in 12th grade now. And for the record, I did solve my problem, somewhat. I've been debating about getting a job, but I couldn't decide what to do. Getting a job would mean dropping so much and I would go crazy! I'm not ready for it. So I prayed. I felt strongly that I shouldn't apply yet. My book is what I'm meant to do. I'm relieved, and slightly scared.
I'm also kind of worried about 12th grade. It's looking promising for a year worth of torture. I know, not a very good attitude, but 11th grade nearly killed me and I'm thinking I'd rather spend the day in a cactus armchair than an entire year repeating that class full of the same people who spent the entire year ignoring my very existence, I couldn't even bring myself to smile at the teacher's jokes. Terrible attitude, but MERCY! How long will this last? Will I be ignored for the rest of my life!?
ACK!
But on the flip side my book is almost ready! I just need to edit another 4 chapters and voila! All done. A few tweaks later, finished book, ready to go to the public on October 15th, 2013.
:)
Don't worry about your attitude. It's okay to be in survival mode sometimes. I really hope this year is better for you, though. Just do me a huge favor and please talk to someone if things get as bad as they did last year. I really don't want you ever coming that close to suicide again. Ever. No matter what.
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way, no. People WILL NOT ignore you forever. One of these days you're going to look back on the fact that you survived a very hard thing and you are going to feel SO good about how strong you are. You're going to get through this time and you will not feel alone and ignored any more.
I hope you're right. It's looking horrible. I ran out of the class sobbing today. (More on this in tomorrow's post) It's amazing how worthless you can feel when people pay you as much attention as a chair. :(
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