So

What up? Me, I'm not overly happy. It's been like this chronic grouchiness that's been plaguing me and I am severely annoyed with myself, what is so wrong with being happy? Not sure, but my mind doesn't seem to want to agree with me when I say, "I'm happy!" it turns around and says. "Oh no you're not!"
Seriously annoying.
I've also been disappointed by the only person who is famous that I've ever admired. Isn't it so true, no matter how much you admire someone, you'll always be disappointed by them? I just wish this hadn't of happened, I really liked her.
So with that over with, I've discovered that not EVERYONE is overly thrilled with me taking up the violin. My brother probably wants to take it and smash it over my head. I hope not, my violin is my outtake on anger, and I need it. I'm not about to quit, I just don't have any exciting news concerning my violin, I need a new song to play that I can memorize quickly and not have to move my hands, I don't know much about 2nd 3rd or 4th position.
As for my story, my goal is to get it to an editor in January. I'm sick of rewriting, I'm on the 4th draft and by now, I'm just holding my breath and trying to get it done before my brain explodes all over the keyboard. I'm kind of scared though, what if the editor doesn't like it? Or sends it back with a Post-It note that reads, "failed effort" or something cruel like that in the ever-dooming red ink?
I think I'd just die.
I've been working on Twisted since March 8, 2011 (yes I kept note of this, I wish I had for my other books, The Kelpie's Grim all I can say is that I started it somewhere near my birthday 3 years ago) and I don't want to have wasted 2 years of my life on something that wasn't going to work. Plus, this book has really defined me, I love it and I hate it all at the same time. Right now I kind of wish I'd never discovered that I can write and that I love it, that way I wouldn't have to worry about all of this stuff.
Ranting moment?
Here goes.
I'm worried that I'm missing something in the plot. I don't know what the heck I'm going to do with Allie (a character in Twisted) I seriously do NOT know what to do with certain characters that just popped in about 30 pages ago. I'm worried that if I try, I'll fail and I hate failing, I feel so stupid. That's the reason I positively REFUSE to go take my driver's test or the GED test. I'll fail miserably and feel like a complete idiot afterwards.
That's why I like my books and my violin (Squishy!) they're not being graded and I know my whole future doesn't revolve around them.
Maybe I'll just take Trax everywhere, but I'm not sure how that would work. After nearly being hit by them at least 3 times, I don't really like them. Reasonably.
That's all I have to say now. I'm really struggling with changes going on, I need something new to play on my violin, and I'm sick of rewriting. How many times must a person rewrite before the book is perfect?
Dramatic sigh.
Reasonably depressed Twisted Violinist out.