I think I did well on my first recital considering I've only been playing for 2 months. I was shaking so badly I could hardly keep my bow moving, but I only messed up ONCE! Once! And I didn't panic, I just went to a place where I knew I could play and went from there. I was pretty relieved when I was done, If You Could Hie to Kolob isn't easy. Phew.
I tried to talk myself out of talking by thinking why am I so scared? These people aren't going to EAT me, but my arm didn't believe me, it wanted to run.
Anyway, so I'm being called off to make candy houses. So Merry Christmas, and good cheer because this will probably be my last post until the Christmas Holidays are over and it's back to school in January. :( Rats
Oh well. So Happy New Year too, just in case :)
Friday, December 21, 2012
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Relief
Amazing how we fret over things that we know nothing about turning it from a few drops of rainwater into a tsunami because we're so worried.
Last night was the group lesson (or dress rehearsal for the recital tonight) and I spent the entire day fretting about it, getting to the point that while I was practicing, I kept freaking out at myself for messing up on the notes of every song.
I really didn't need to do that, it was fine, it was actually fun, which is a big improvement because I really don't like social gatherings, I've spent too much time as being eccentric and not accepted by other people. This time however, it was okay because we were all musicians, and to be a musician, you have to be at least a little eccentric. :)
I played my song pretty well, only messing up once, I thought that if I messed up, I'd have a heart attack and die right there on the floor, but no, I just went to a place I knew I could play from and it went okay. I was still pretty shaky, and I don't remember anyone clapping because I was so desperate to sit down again. Whew, quite the workout, who knew having bad nerves could be a workout program! (We're going to see that on the Biggest Loser next!)
I'm not worried about the recital anymore, amazing right? I spent the entire week WORRYING my head off and after the group lesson, I'm not worried anymore, mainly because I saw that it's okay to make mistakes. You just restart and keep playing (you also smile and pretend like you PLANNED to do that) it's not like this is Broadway, or the Trans Siberian Orchestra. (I'm just glad I'm not playing in front of Lindsey Stirling, I admire her to death, but if I played in front of her, BAM, she'd be trying to revive me after I passed out cold without even picking up my violin)
Yeah, I have to fess up, 64 days worth of playing hasn't made me professional. But I guess it's kind of impressive that I'm playing in a recital after two months. Guess I should stop selling myself short.
Now we just need to see how I do in the recital. Just thinking about it, and my hands are all shaky again. Oh boy.
Last night was the group lesson (or dress rehearsal for the recital tonight) and I spent the entire day fretting about it, getting to the point that while I was practicing, I kept freaking out at myself for messing up on the notes of every song.
I really didn't need to do that, it was fine, it was actually fun, which is a big improvement because I really don't like social gatherings, I've spent too much time as being eccentric and not accepted by other people. This time however, it was okay because we were all musicians, and to be a musician, you have to be at least a little eccentric. :)
I played my song pretty well, only messing up once, I thought that if I messed up, I'd have a heart attack and die right there on the floor, but no, I just went to a place I knew I could play from and it went okay. I was still pretty shaky, and I don't remember anyone clapping because I was so desperate to sit down again. Whew, quite the workout, who knew having bad nerves could be a workout program! (We're going to see that on the Biggest Loser next!)
I'm not worried about the recital anymore, amazing right? I spent the entire week WORRYING my head off and after the group lesson, I'm not worried anymore, mainly because I saw that it's okay to make mistakes. You just restart and keep playing (you also smile and pretend like you PLANNED to do that) it's not like this is Broadway, or the Trans Siberian Orchestra. (I'm just glad I'm not playing in front of Lindsey Stirling, I admire her to death, but if I played in front of her, BAM, she'd be trying to revive me after I passed out cold without even picking up my violin)
Yeah, I have to fess up, 64 days worth of playing hasn't made me professional. But I guess it's kind of impressive that I'm playing in a recital after two months. Guess I should stop selling myself short.
Now we just need to see how I do in the recital. Just thinking about it, and my hands are all shaky again. Oh boy.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Nerves
Recital on Wednesday. I'm nervous. What if I mess up? What if I totally forget every note? What if everyone stares at me wondering why I played such a simple piece. I'll be skunked by the other students who can play operas! I'm still in Suzuki book 1, as in BEGINNER! Wannabe. Loser. End of story.
Why do I even bother TRYING anymore?
Why do I even bother TRYING anymore?
Friday, December 14, 2012
Hardly
I am getting kind of sick of Suzuki book 1.
It's actually this little thing inside me that is screaming, "I'm SICK of being a novice!"
While I was at violin lessons on Wednesday, Amy's other student (Angel, I think) came in while I was squeaking out 'God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen' worse than a dying duck with something stuck down its throat.
I was totally humiliated, I know, I know. I'm still a beginner, but that didn't stop me from feeling stupid because I couldn't get my fingers to cooperate.
I've been stuck as a novice, (that's equestrian talk for someone who isn't very good) for a long time in a lot of things because I didn't have the money to take more lessons. Riding lessons was a complete disaster, how exactly are you supposed to learn when you bounce from barn to barn over and over again?
It's the solemn truth, since I was 10, I've bounced from Dimple Dell (I think that's the barn name) to Vista Farms, to some one's backyard, St. Jude Equestrian Center, Daniel's Training Center, and then Horse Lover's Haven. I had to switch because the riding instructor either quit on me, or stopped taking my calls, that's why I took up the violin, horses just weren't working for me. I wanted to improve as a rider, but the moment I started getting better, things changed, I had to swap barns, this year after the last riding instructor bailed out, I lost my will to keep fighting.
And here I am again, a beginner. You know that person to the side, the wannabe that everyone finds SOOO annoying. I want to improve, but I'm always worried that there's something I'm doing wrong, yes I tool piano lessons for about two years (not in a row, I quit, then went back, quit again...) but there is still so much about music that I just don't know and I feel stupid whenever I say, "I don't know," but I suppose that's better than lying right?
Sheesh, wouldn't life be easier if we could just be instantly perfect at anything we picked up?
And in the meantime, I'm getting kind of frustrated with this blog. No one is reading it (Except for you, so thank you!!!! Big hug through the computer screen!) I set this blog up in an attempt to get people's attention and I'm feeling quite put up with it. Will I forever be a loser that no one wants to associate with, even by reading my blog? Do I ooze toxic waste that I can't see that keeps people from wanting to come close to me? Or is there something else wrong with me? I've ALWAYS been a loser. I've ALWAYS been that girl in the corner that people wish would just vanish so they wouldn't have to breathe the same air as me and no matter WHAT I do, I can't change it. What friends I do make only need me for about five seconds before hurling me over their shoulder (that's what I call a tissue paper friend, they blow their nose of worries on you and then throw you away covered in their trash)
Yeah. I'm ranting. I'm really fed up with this unchangeable loser quality I have. I don't know why, I'm not boring, (I think) I'm just different and no one can handle my eccentric ways.
In the meantime, I've started picking up on something one of my characters says. He's a Flynn Rider and Captain Jack Sparrow type so he's got personality and says, "bloody" a lot (not followed by a swear word, I don't swear, it's crude and no one is impressed by swearers) and I've started saying bloody too. Oops. Influenced by someone who isn't real, but isn't that how life goes for authors? We're crazy because we have a LOT of imaginary friends!
This is a song that pretty much says how I feel. I'm pretty miffed (and happy at the same time, how exactly does THAT work?) and the snowman desktop background I have is actually kind of creepy. Those coal eyes see too much. *Shivers*
It's actually this little thing inside me that is screaming, "I'm SICK of being a novice!"
While I was at violin lessons on Wednesday, Amy's other student (Angel, I think) came in while I was squeaking out 'God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen' worse than a dying duck with something stuck down its throat.
I was totally humiliated, I know, I know. I'm still a beginner, but that didn't stop me from feeling stupid because I couldn't get my fingers to cooperate.
I've been stuck as a novice, (that's equestrian talk for someone who isn't very good) for a long time in a lot of things because I didn't have the money to take more lessons. Riding lessons was a complete disaster, how exactly are you supposed to learn when you bounce from barn to barn over and over again?
It's the solemn truth, since I was 10, I've bounced from Dimple Dell (I think that's the barn name) to Vista Farms, to some one's backyard, St. Jude Equestrian Center, Daniel's Training Center, and then Horse Lover's Haven. I had to switch because the riding instructor either quit on me, or stopped taking my calls, that's why I took up the violin, horses just weren't working for me. I wanted to improve as a rider, but the moment I started getting better, things changed, I had to swap barns, this year after the last riding instructor bailed out, I lost my will to keep fighting.
And here I am again, a beginner. You know that person to the side, the wannabe that everyone finds SOOO annoying. I want to improve, but I'm always worried that there's something I'm doing wrong, yes I tool piano lessons for about two years (not in a row, I quit, then went back, quit again...) but there is still so much about music that I just don't know and I feel stupid whenever I say, "I don't know," but I suppose that's better than lying right?
Sheesh, wouldn't life be easier if we could just be instantly perfect at anything we picked up?
And in the meantime, I'm getting kind of frustrated with this blog. No one is reading it (Except for you, so thank you!!!! Big hug through the computer screen!) I set this blog up in an attempt to get people's attention and I'm feeling quite put up with it. Will I forever be a loser that no one wants to associate with, even by reading my blog? Do I ooze toxic waste that I can't see that keeps people from wanting to come close to me? Or is there something else wrong with me? I've ALWAYS been a loser. I've ALWAYS been that girl in the corner that people wish would just vanish so they wouldn't have to breathe the same air as me and no matter WHAT I do, I can't change it. What friends I do make only need me for about five seconds before hurling me over their shoulder (that's what I call a tissue paper friend, they blow their nose of worries on you and then throw you away covered in their trash)
Yeah. I'm ranting. I'm really fed up with this unchangeable loser quality I have. I don't know why, I'm not boring, (I think) I'm just different and no one can handle my eccentric ways.
In the meantime, I've started picking up on something one of my characters says. He's a Flynn Rider and Captain Jack Sparrow type so he's got personality and says, "bloody" a lot (not followed by a swear word, I don't swear, it's crude and no one is impressed by swearers) and I've started saying bloody too. Oops. Influenced by someone who isn't real, but isn't that how life goes for authors? We're crazy because we have a LOT of imaginary friends!
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
End of the world...NOT
12/12/12
I.E. the for said end of the world. Or not, turns out some bloke miscalculated and it's going to end on the 21. What's up with that? I don't know why they moved the date, much more convenient? I'm not overly worried, I mean the fact that they can't decide what day it's actually going to end proves that it is NOT going to end. Forget zombies crawling out of the grave (wraiths are so much cooler anyway!) forget a gigantic piece of outer space waste hitting us.
It isn't going to happen.
Though if it were, I think that today would be cooler, I mean seriously! 12/12/12 looks a LOT more awesome than 12/21/12, that date kind of hurts your eyes because it's so messed around.
Anyway, I've discovered the art of playing the violin with emotion. I'm not perfect, and after I've been playing for a while, I get this grouchy robotic way of moving and I play WAY too fast! But I've been trying to do what Lindsey Stirling does, she looks so incredibly happy while playing, so I've tried smiling while I play, even the painful songs, like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, which I have been playing since the beginning of October. It makes them less painful, even enjoyable.
Here's how, I just think about thinks I associate the song with and go from there. One way is by using the words that I think to keep the rhythm, like pineapple. I HATED that tune until I started thinking about pineapple, I used to hate pineapple until I tried it fresh and voila, I'd eat an entire pineapple by myself if I could. I started thinking about my favorite memory with pineapples, when I went camping with my grandparents earlier this year, it makes me happy and kind sad, so I play it like that.
And as far as my books go, whoa. Even though I've written Twisted 3 times already (drafting :p) things that have taken place in this draft have taken me off guard, like Allie getting held for ransom and King Wallace (aka King Walrus) actually trying to use a dangerous character's power for himself.
Seriously didn't see THAT coming.
Anyway, so check out the video below, one of my favorites of Lindsey Stirling's (not so fond of her new vid, her clothes are kind of awkward, but the playing is excellent! And I liked the pink wig)
I.E. the for said end of the world. Or not, turns out some bloke miscalculated and it's going to end on the 21. What's up with that? I don't know why they moved the date, much more convenient? I'm not overly worried, I mean the fact that they can't decide what day it's actually going to end proves that it is NOT going to end. Forget zombies crawling out of the grave (wraiths are so much cooler anyway!) forget a gigantic piece of outer space waste hitting us.
It isn't going to happen.
Though if it were, I think that today would be cooler, I mean seriously! 12/12/12 looks a LOT more awesome than 12/21/12, that date kind of hurts your eyes because it's so messed around.
Anyway, I've discovered the art of playing the violin with emotion. I'm not perfect, and after I've been playing for a while, I get this grouchy robotic way of moving and I play WAY too fast! But I've been trying to do what Lindsey Stirling does, she looks so incredibly happy while playing, so I've tried smiling while I play, even the painful songs, like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, which I have been playing since the beginning of October. It makes them less painful, even enjoyable.
Here's how, I just think about thinks I associate the song with and go from there. One way is by using the words that I think to keep the rhythm, like pineapple. I HATED that tune until I started thinking about pineapple, I used to hate pineapple until I tried it fresh and voila, I'd eat an entire pineapple by myself if I could. I started thinking about my favorite memory with pineapples, when I went camping with my grandparents earlier this year, it makes me happy and kind sad, so I play it like that.
And as far as my books go, whoa. Even though I've written Twisted 3 times already (drafting :p) things that have taken place in this draft have taken me off guard, like Allie getting held for ransom and King Wallace (aka King Walrus) actually trying to use a dangerous character's power for himself.
Seriously didn't see THAT coming.
Anyway, so check out the video below, one of my favorites of Lindsey Stirling's (not so fond of her new vid, her clothes are kind of awkward, but the playing is excellent! And I liked the pink wig)
Just watch her face, she looks so happy while playing. That's what I'm trying to do. It's actually really hard!
While you're at it, go check out her YouTube channel, she totally rocks! My inspiration to play the violin is her happy playing. I hope I get as good as she is someday (in like 20 years maybe)
Unless the link doesn't work, it should get you to her YouTube page
Monday, December 10, 2012
So
What up? Me, I'm not overly happy. It's been like this chronic grouchiness that's been plaguing me and I am severely annoyed with myself, what is so wrong with being happy? Not sure, but my mind doesn't seem to want to agree with me when I say, "I'm happy!" it turns around and says. "Oh no you're not!"
Seriously annoying.
I've also been disappointed by the only person who is famous that I've ever admired. Isn't it so true, no matter how much you admire someone, you'll always be disappointed by them? I just wish this hadn't of happened, I really liked her.
So with that over with, I've discovered that not EVERYONE is overly thrilled with me taking up the violin. My brother probably wants to take it and smash it over my head. I hope not, my violin is my outtake on anger, and I need it. I'm not about to quit, I just don't have any exciting news concerning my violin, I need a new song to play that I can memorize quickly and not have to move my hands, I don't know much about 2nd 3rd or 4th position.
As for my story, my goal is to get it to an editor in January. I'm sick of rewriting, I'm on the 4th draft and by now, I'm just holding my breath and trying to get it done before my brain explodes all over the keyboard. I'm kind of scared though, what if the editor doesn't like it? Or sends it back with a Post-It note that reads, "failed effort" or something cruel like that in the ever-dooming red ink?
I think I'd just die.
I've been working on Twisted since March 8, 2011 (yes I kept note of this, I wish I had for my other books, The Kelpie's Grim all I can say is that I started it somewhere near my birthday 3 years ago) and I don't want to have wasted 2 years of my life on something that wasn't going to work. Plus, this book has really defined me, I love it and I hate it all at the same time. Right now I kind of wish I'd never discovered that I can write and that I love it, that way I wouldn't have to worry about all of this stuff.
Ranting moment?
Here goes.
I'm worried that I'm missing something in the plot. I don't know what the heck I'm going to do with Allie (a character in Twisted) I seriously do NOT know what to do with certain characters that just popped in about 30 pages ago. I'm worried that if I try, I'll fail and I hate failing, I feel so stupid. That's the reason I positively REFUSE to go take my driver's test or the GED test. I'll fail miserably and feel like a complete idiot afterwards.
That's why I like my books and my violin (Squishy!) they're not being graded and I know my whole future doesn't revolve around them.
Maybe I'll just take Trax everywhere, but I'm not sure how that would work. After nearly being hit by them at least 3 times, I don't really like them. Reasonably.
That's all I have to say now. I'm really struggling with changes going on, I need something new to play on my violin, and I'm sick of rewriting. How many times must a person rewrite before the book is perfect?
Dramatic sigh.
Reasonably depressed Twisted Violinist out.
Seriously annoying.
I've also been disappointed by the only person who is famous that I've ever admired. Isn't it so true, no matter how much you admire someone, you'll always be disappointed by them? I just wish this hadn't of happened, I really liked her.
So with that over with, I've discovered that not EVERYONE is overly thrilled with me taking up the violin. My brother probably wants to take it and smash it over my head. I hope not, my violin is my outtake on anger, and I need it. I'm not about to quit, I just don't have any exciting news concerning my violin, I need a new song to play that I can memorize quickly and not have to move my hands, I don't know much about 2nd 3rd or 4th position.
As for my story, my goal is to get it to an editor in January. I'm sick of rewriting, I'm on the 4th draft and by now, I'm just holding my breath and trying to get it done before my brain explodes all over the keyboard. I'm kind of scared though, what if the editor doesn't like it? Or sends it back with a Post-It note that reads, "failed effort" or something cruel like that in the ever-dooming red ink?
I think I'd just die.
I've been working on Twisted since March 8, 2011 (yes I kept note of this, I wish I had for my other books, The Kelpie's Grim all I can say is that I started it somewhere near my birthday 3 years ago) and I don't want to have wasted 2 years of my life on something that wasn't going to work. Plus, this book has really defined me, I love it and I hate it all at the same time. Right now I kind of wish I'd never discovered that I can write and that I love it, that way I wouldn't have to worry about all of this stuff.
Ranting moment?
Here goes.
I'm worried that I'm missing something in the plot. I don't know what the heck I'm going to do with Allie (a character in Twisted) I seriously do NOT know what to do with certain characters that just popped in about 30 pages ago. I'm worried that if I try, I'll fail and I hate failing, I feel so stupid. That's the reason I positively REFUSE to go take my driver's test or the GED test. I'll fail miserably and feel like a complete idiot afterwards.
That's why I like my books and my violin (Squishy!) they're not being graded and I know my whole future doesn't revolve around them.
Maybe I'll just take Trax everywhere, but I'm not sure how that would work. After nearly being hit by them at least 3 times, I don't really like them. Reasonably.
That's all I have to say now. I'm really struggling with changes going on, I need something new to play on my violin, and I'm sick of rewriting. How many times must a person rewrite before the book is perfect?
Dramatic sigh.
Reasonably depressed Twisted Violinist out.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Back to Editing
I'm back to editing Twisted. It's taken a strange turn for the weird. Centaurs in the Dreamway Mountains. Never saw that one coming, but they certainly add to the element of magic, and I had to realize that even though a wraith puts claim on the Dreamway Mountains, they're not going to be completely devoid of life.
Why is this important? Oh no reason. I'm just saying, it's really weird, but has helped me move the book along a bit more, (and it will help in future books) I also decided that the dragoness, Tenor is powerful enough that she can assume a human avatar whenever she wants, but hates doing so because she thinks that humans are stupid. (sorry it's just the way it is) the reason I changed my mind is because I was reading the 4th book in Fablehaven (great series by the way!) and I read the part when Nafia comes to our group of heroes as Nyssa. I wanted more interactions with the human Nafia, but was disappointed when the interactions only lasted for 3 pages, (give or take) so I decided to slap a little of that into my book.
Ooh, I also discovered that I can play the He's a Pirate really well (the first 2 pages) that is ignoring all the rests and stuff, but I'll put them in. I also managed to sound out a song in my violin book (algretto!), and I was pretty happy while playing yesterday even though on Wednesday, I was so miffed at everything, I wanted to scream. It was a very rocky lesson that caused this, first I forgot my books, (stupid mistake! Ugh! I had them RIGHT there but totally spaced because I was in a hurry) and then I couldn't play a song right, long story short, by the time I put my violin away on Wednesday, I wanted to cry and quit. I was also pretty angry at me. I couldn't seem to SHUT UP! I said some REALLY stupid brainless things to a girl I wanted to become friends with, (nothing mean, just brainless, which is almost worse) and I'm dreading going back to that class and having to face her. The tears and urge to quit were running high on Wednesday!
Thankfully I did neither, mascara tears are never pretty and neither are the headaches that frustrated sobs bring! Thursday was much better and my hour of practice flew by on graceful wings.
That's all I have to write now, celebrating my 5th blog post. Amazing right? I actually made it to 5 posts!
Anyway, so here's a quick glossary of what I'm talking about
The Dreamway Mountains: the mountains in the middle of the Four Kingdoms where my partial antagonist exists
The Four Kingdoms: The home of my characters
Tenor: A Silverwing dragoness
Nafia: Brandon Mull's dragon Fablehaven
Nyssa: Nafia's human's form
Algretto: 6th (ish) song in the Suzuki book 1
Oh, and I'm taking suggestions for characters (any character from any book or movie) to dress up as and play their...theme song? for on the violin. I need something because I'm getting bored with normal music covers, so suggest away!
Why is this important? Oh no reason. I'm just saying, it's really weird, but has helped me move the book along a bit more, (and it will help in future books) I also decided that the dragoness, Tenor is powerful enough that she can assume a human avatar whenever she wants, but hates doing so because she thinks that humans are stupid. (sorry it's just the way it is) the reason I changed my mind is because I was reading the 4th book in Fablehaven (great series by the way!) and I read the part when Nafia comes to our group of heroes as Nyssa. I wanted more interactions with the human Nafia, but was disappointed when the interactions only lasted for 3 pages, (give or take) so I decided to slap a little of that into my book.
Ooh, I also discovered that I can play the He's a Pirate really well (the first 2 pages) that is ignoring all the rests and stuff, but I'll put them in. I also managed to sound out a song in my violin book (algretto!), and I was pretty happy while playing yesterday even though on Wednesday, I was so miffed at everything, I wanted to scream. It was a very rocky lesson that caused this, first I forgot my books, (stupid mistake! Ugh! I had them RIGHT there but totally spaced because I was in a hurry) and then I couldn't play a song right, long story short, by the time I put my violin away on Wednesday, I wanted to cry and quit. I was also pretty angry at me. I couldn't seem to SHUT UP! I said some REALLY stupid brainless things to a girl I wanted to become friends with, (nothing mean, just brainless, which is almost worse) and I'm dreading going back to that class and having to face her. The tears and urge to quit were running high on Wednesday!
Thankfully I did neither, mascara tears are never pretty and neither are the headaches that frustrated sobs bring! Thursday was much better and my hour of practice flew by on graceful wings.
That's all I have to write now, celebrating my 5th blog post. Amazing right? I actually made it to 5 posts!
Anyway, so here's a quick glossary of what I'm talking about
The Dreamway Mountains: the mountains in the middle of the Four Kingdoms where my partial antagonist exists
The Four Kingdoms: The home of my characters
Tenor: A Silverwing dragoness
Nafia: Brandon Mull's dragon Fablehaven
Nyssa: Nafia's human's form
Algretto: 6th (ish) song in the Suzuki book 1
Oh, and I'm taking suggestions for characters (any character from any book or movie) to dress up as and play their...theme song? for on the violin. I need something because I'm getting bored with normal music covers, so suggest away!
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