I've been stuck in the same rut for about two weeks now. It was always the same negative thoughts over and over and over again and again and again until yesterday when I SNAPPED. I couldn't take it anymore, why couldn't my book be on a best seller list, why wouldn't people like it, why should I take up knitting when I can't even use a sewing machine? (Last one, personal joke :))
I can't exactly lie, I have a bad habit of always looking on the negative side, and it's really difficult to twist my thinking into looking at the sunnier side of life, until I watched Lindsey Stirling's "I'm a Mormon" video. I need to retrain my brain, my negative thoughts are only digging me a hole, and the only way in a hole to go is down and I've dug myself a neat little hole straight to rock bottom, when you reach there, the only way to go is up. I'm using the shovels I used to dig myself down as a ladder to climb out. I'm SICK of being a slave to negative thoughts and actions, they were like a massive chain I had to drag around and since I've made the choice to just drop it, I feel so much lighter, it's amazing!
It has also helped with my writing, I had to literally drag myself over to my computer to sit staring at the screen hating everything I wrote, now, I'm accepting it and loving it. Writing is supposed to be fun, if it ain't some thing's wrong.
Oh, and my little personal victory, I managed to memorize Taylor Swift's The Story of Us on the violin in a little under two weeks. The last time I tried to memorize a song that long, it took me forever and I dropped it because I didn't feel any passion for it, just goes to show, it's hard to do anything you don't feel a passion for, so gain one. Living is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured, if all you do is grit your teeth and wait for the next thing to hit you, you're going to be going to the dentist quite a lot. :)
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
Unstuck, but going backwards
So thanks to help from Steph, I am no longer stuck!
My biggest problem is that I went way too far forward without building a stable foundation first. In other words, I was climbing a tree without roots. Not only is this kind of dangerous (in a mental sense, for me and people around me!) it results in falling down. Ouch. You can only go so far before tipping the tree, I tipped it, I got stuck. So now I'm going back and starting again, this time, I'm actually going to build myself a nice little foundation, and voila! I can get higher up.
See, this is the problem with writing books that are REALLY long. My books have a habit of being REALLY long, so it takes a good deal of foundation laying, thinking, and yanking hair, to be able to keep the sequence of events going and attaching it to the plot of the first book is just joined in the fun. Fortunately, I'm on the 6th draft and I pretty well know what happens, but that doesn't stop me from trying to yank out my hair.
Oh, I'm also going to be publishing a book (kind of) calling Wizard Wanderings. It's about a wizard who gets sick of being the king's wizard and skips town and just about gets eaten by a dragon. Lots of excitement. ;)
As far as my violin goes, well, I'm learning how to vibrato, it is really difficult! Next time you watch a professional violinist or cellist, try to appreciate how much work goes into making that song sound so good! It's hard! It's taken me nearly two months just to get to the point where I'm doing finger vibrato with my wrist and it's a real brain strain to keep my left hand going and not shake my right hand as well, ouch!
My biggest problem is that I went way too far forward without building a stable foundation first. In other words, I was climbing a tree without roots. Not only is this kind of dangerous (in a mental sense, for me and people around me!) it results in falling down. Ouch. You can only go so far before tipping the tree, I tipped it, I got stuck. So now I'm going back and starting again, this time, I'm actually going to build myself a nice little foundation, and voila! I can get higher up.
See, this is the problem with writing books that are REALLY long. My books have a habit of being REALLY long, so it takes a good deal of foundation laying, thinking, and yanking hair, to be able to keep the sequence of events going and attaching it to the plot of the first book is just joined in the fun. Fortunately, I'm on the 6th draft and I pretty well know what happens, but that doesn't stop me from trying to yank out my hair.
Oh, I'm also going to be publishing a book (kind of) calling Wizard Wanderings. It's about a wizard who gets sick of being the king's wizard and skips town and just about gets eaten by a dragon. Lots of excitement. ;)
As far as my violin goes, well, I'm learning how to vibrato, it is really difficult! Next time you watch a professional violinist or cellist, try to appreciate how much work goes into making that song sound so good! It's hard! It's taken me nearly two months just to get to the point where I'm doing finger vibrato with my wrist and it's a real brain strain to keep my left hand going and not shake my right hand as well, ouch!
Friday, January 25, 2013
Stuck
Ever gotten stuck and feel like you can't go forward, but backwards isn't an option either?
I feel stuck, especially with my writing, I've been stuck on the same 3 chapters for nearly a week now and I'm not sure how to solve this problem without going back and restarting even though every book on writing you read specifically says DO NOT DO THIS.
My problem is that I can't help but do this. When the beginning of the book sucks, I don't want to finish it, and I'm not saying that it sucks, just that I didn't do ENOUGH to set up the characters. If people who read Twisted read the second book, Entangled they'd probably put it down and look at me while saying, "What the heck is going on?"
My only answer would be, "I really don't know."
Not exactly the best answer from the author who is supposed to 'know all' about her book. (Ha! That's a laugh! It takes me several drafts to get to know my characters really well, and I'm STILL struggling to figure what happens, you'd think after the 11 books that I've written, I would've gotten past this by now, but NOOO, (and yes, I am bragging, 11 books, but to tell you the truth they kind of SUCK, most of them are still in a 1st draft stage))
I need to figure out what's going on. I refuse to quit, I WON'T quit. I'm just kind of stuck.
Oh, big shout out to Stephanie Fowers and her amazing ability to sing about a good book. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5G5VkqK4a0
I feel stuck, especially with my writing, I've been stuck on the same 3 chapters for nearly a week now and I'm not sure how to solve this problem without going back and restarting even though every book on writing you read specifically says DO NOT DO THIS.
My problem is that I can't help but do this. When the beginning of the book sucks, I don't want to finish it, and I'm not saying that it sucks, just that I didn't do ENOUGH to set up the characters. If people who read Twisted read the second book, Entangled they'd probably put it down and look at me while saying, "What the heck is going on?"
My only answer would be, "I really don't know."
Not exactly the best answer from the author who is supposed to 'know all' about her book. (Ha! That's a laugh! It takes me several drafts to get to know my characters really well, and I'm STILL struggling to figure what happens, you'd think after the 11 books that I've written, I would've gotten past this by now, but NOOO, (and yes, I am bragging, 11 books, but to tell you the truth they kind of SUCK, most of them are still in a 1st draft stage))
I need to figure out what's going on. I refuse to quit, I WON'T quit. I'm just kind of stuck.
Oh, big shout out to Stephanie Fowers and her amazing ability to sing about a good book. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5G5VkqK4a0
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
My Story (and Secret) Haunt Me
Confession time,
I'm a bit of a wimp, I even took a test yesterday telling me that I AM a wimp, (it made me laugh so hard I copy and pasted it) Why am I saying this? Well, I can sit at my computer for hours on end writing about the most horrifying things and not break a sweat, I've even gone as far as to say "If I got chased by something like that, I wouldn't be afraid."
Ooh, that was a lie. I dreamt last night that I was in a Harry Potter movie and both he and Ron were sitting by this muddy bank by a river (not a money bank, a river bank, just to clear up) and there was this narration voice saying, "And this was the first time Harry saw the skeletal hand pick grass," sounds stupid right? Until you see it. Yes, there was a skeleton hand picking grass and I KNEW the rest of it was going to burst out of the ground and I was literally screaming at Harry and Ron to run, but they didn't, they just sat there until the whole thing crawled out of the ground and it was like there was this prerecorded message that went with the skeleton as it grinned at Harry and Ron and me, and it went something like this, "I am a zombie, I don't understand pleading, or mercy. I am me and you are delicious." and of course it started to chase me.
I woke myself up from that dream terrified, I was literally flinching at every sound, you know that scary, "I just woke up from a nightmare" feeling? Yeah, all morning. I was so happy when the sun started to come up!
Thankfully I now know the interpretation behind this dream, apparently the stresses and things I'm keeping to myself are eating me alive! (I am a stress, I don't understand mercy or pleading, I am me, and YOU are delicious) it was amazing how accurate the interpretation my sister sent me via email was. My only problem is I don't know what to do about it, I think stepping back and evaluating everything would be a good idea, I've got my face in the fire and the only thing that happens when you get that close to flames is getting burned.
Ouch.
It's time to kick all of those nasty "you can't do it" "Why bother trying? You WILL fail" "You should have taken up knitting" feelings out of me, it's getting so bad, my mind is trying to send me a message to STOP DWELLING ON THEM!
That's all. :)
I'm a bit of a wimp, I even took a test yesterday telling me that I AM a wimp, (it made me laugh so hard I copy and pasted it) Why am I saying this? Well, I can sit at my computer for hours on end writing about the most horrifying things and not break a sweat, I've even gone as far as to say "If I got chased by something like that, I wouldn't be afraid."
Ooh, that was a lie. I dreamt last night that I was in a Harry Potter movie and both he and Ron were sitting by this muddy bank by a river (not a money bank, a river bank, just to clear up) and there was this narration voice saying, "And this was the first time Harry saw the skeletal hand pick grass," sounds stupid right? Until you see it. Yes, there was a skeleton hand picking grass and I KNEW the rest of it was going to burst out of the ground and I was literally screaming at Harry and Ron to run, but they didn't, they just sat there until the whole thing crawled out of the ground and it was like there was this prerecorded message that went with the skeleton as it grinned at Harry and Ron and me, and it went something like this, "I am a zombie, I don't understand pleading, or mercy. I am me and you are delicious." and of course it started to chase me.
I woke myself up from that dream terrified, I was literally flinching at every sound, you know that scary, "I just woke up from a nightmare" feeling? Yeah, all morning. I was so happy when the sun started to come up!
Thankfully I now know the interpretation behind this dream, apparently the stresses and things I'm keeping to myself are eating me alive! (I am a stress, I don't understand mercy or pleading, I am me, and YOU are delicious) it was amazing how accurate the interpretation my sister sent me via email was. My only problem is I don't know what to do about it, I think stepping back and evaluating everything would be a good idea, I've got my face in the fire and the only thing that happens when you get that close to flames is getting burned.
Ouch.
It's time to kick all of those nasty "you can't do it" "Why bother trying? You WILL fail" "You should have taken up knitting" feelings out of me, it's getting so bad, my mind is trying to send me a message to STOP DWELLING ON THEM!
That's all. :)
Monday, January 21, 2013
Still stuck in January
Well, I'm glad last week is over. It was pretty tough. But good news, I started fiddling! Mary Had a Little Lamb never sounded so sweet, or squeaky. Also, (and amazingly) one of my school essays is going to turn into a published story! (Maybe) my Wizard Wanderings won me an +A and a nice look at a continuing story for Amazon kindles. That's my good news, the BAD news is that it's very possible that no one will buy it, but at least I haven't gone to as much work with Wizard Wanderings as I did with Twisted, again, it was an essay after all, but still it would kill me to not have anyone look at it. Major ouch.
That's the unpredictability of being a debut author in a world of fierce competition, especially a TEEN author. I'm scared, what if no one gives my book a second look? So far everyone has liked it and has been sucked in from the get go, but that's no guarantee. Fortunately it's easier to get published in the 21st century than it was before, but having a published book means nothing if no one is reading it.
I dub this worry and sadness, "Stuck in January Disease" I wasn't sorry worried or upset until January rolled it's ugly head. I will be glad to get rid of it, and the smog (both physical, I haven't seen my mountains in days, and emotional) it brought along with it.
That's the unpredictability of being a debut author in a world of fierce competition, especially a TEEN author. I'm scared, what if no one gives my book a second look? So far everyone has liked it and has been sucked in from the get go, but that's no guarantee. Fortunately it's easier to get published in the 21st century than it was before, but having a published book means nothing if no one is reading it.
I dub this worry and sadness, "Stuck in January Disease" I wasn't sorry worried or upset until January rolled it's ugly head. I will be glad to get rid of it, and the smog (both physical, I haven't seen my mountains in days, and emotional) it brought along with it.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Tangled
Still, nothing new, (sadly) isn't it the woes of January for this to happen? We get through the Holidays with a lot excitment and it all winds down on the 2nd day of January. Back to school back to work. Yuck.
I'm still in the midsts of rewriting the second book in Twisted, so far it has two names, Entwined and Entangled (I keep messing up the file name between the two) and the kelpie has revealed himself to be a kelpie, (dark sinister laugh as lightning flashes, MWAHAHAHA!) and that's about it.
I'm still in the midsts of rewriting the second book in Twisted, so far it has two names, Entwined and Entangled (I keep messing up the file name between the two) and the kelpie has revealed himself to be a kelpie, (dark sinister laugh as lightning flashes, MWAHAHAHA!) and that's about it.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Still, nothing new
Aside from a change in quarter, nothing new.
I was so grouchy on Saturday I spaced practicing my violin, hope that doesn't come back to haunt me. :) but to those who bother to care, yes I'm okay now. Thanks for asking.
I was so grouchy on Saturday I spaced practicing my violin, hope that doesn't come back to haunt me. :) but to those who bother to care, yes I'm okay now. Thanks for asking.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Nothing New, except the cure for writer's block
Amazingly, I have nothing to report, except I FINALLY got to drop the Allegro song. It was great when I sounded out myself, and even better when I finally got to move on 21 days later.
Oh and I got past some major writer's block. You know the type, this is stupid, nothing is working, why am I even bothering? No one will care, I should quit, I should have taken up knitting instead.
Unfortunately, writer's block is a big part of being an author, I used to go through HUGE bouts of it where I wanted to quit so badly it ached. I did, a couple times, but sadly, I can't quit, I get stubborn, and then I try again.
A good way to solve writer's block is to step back. Evaluate what the problem is away from your computer screen or notebook. Take a walk. Think. Don't think. Try to figure out what new and creative ways you can torture (uh, I mean help) your characters through the story. Use that creative brain of yours and BRAINSTORM, have a real thunderstorm going on inside your head.
OR
If this isn't working for you, figure out the cause, often times fixing writer's block requires you to go through the fairly painful process of figuring out what the root of the tree of writer's block is. It could be a wrong turn you made in the plot, if you feel uncomfortable, bored, or just fried while trying to write, it's possible that you've done this.
Or the root could be your characters. Yes, we love them, we need them, but they can also be a real pain in the neck! Sometimes when I hit major writer's block it's because I'm not sticking to my characters' personalities, and they REALLY don't like it when I do that. I can't force my characters to act ways that they aren't, thus resulting in writer's block.
The reason above is why I had it. There's this certain character I have, I love him to death, (Ha, ha! Funny, considering he's undead!) but he drives me sincerely crazy. He's a wraith, (yes, I write from a wraith's POV, quite interesting actually) and definitely among one of the most stubborn, block headed characters I've ever had. I can't force him to do ANYTHING and more than once he's been the cause of major headaches, screaming into pillows, and banging my head against a wall. I had to forgo at least a hundred well (and not so well) written pages from his POV. Major ouch. But the way I overcame writer's block was by stepping back and trying to think about it the way he would, kind of hard considering wraiths don't think the way we living and breathing beings do, but I managed to figure it out and now instead of going looking for the Aramabics, he gets abducted by them. It works so much better!
(Spoiler alert)
Yeah, that's about all I have. Hoped it helped. :)
Oh and I got past some major writer's block. You know the type, this is stupid, nothing is working, why am I even bothering? No one will care, I should quit, I should have taken up knitting instead.
Unfortunately, writer's block is a big part of being an author, I used to go through HUGE bouts of it where I wanted to quit so badly it ached. I did, a couple times, but sadly, I can't quit, I get stubborn, and then I try again.
A good way to solve writer's block is to step back. Evaluate what the problem is away from your computer screen or notebook. Take a walk. Think. Don't think. Try to figure out what new and creative ways you can torture (uh, I mean help) your characters through the story. Use that creative brain of yours and BRAINSTORM, have a real thunderstorm going on inside your head.
OR
If this isn't working for you, figure out the cause, often times fixing writer's block requires you to go through the fairly painful process of figuring out what the root of the tree of writer's block is. It could be a wrong turn you made in the plot, if you feel uncomfortable, bored, or just fried while trying to write, it's possible that you've done this.
Or the root could be your characters. Yes, we love them, we need them, but they can also be a real pain in the neck! Sometimes when I hit major writer's block it's because I'm not sticking to my characters' personalities, and they REALLY don't like it when I do that. I can't force my characters to act ways that they aren't, thus resulting in writer's block.
The reason above is why I had it. There's this certain character I have, I love him to death, (Ha, ha! Funny, considering he's undead!) but he drives me sincerely crazy. He's a wraith, (yes, I write from a wraith's POV, quite interesting actually) and definitely among one of the most stubborn, block headed characters I've ever had. I can't force him to do ANYTHING and more than once he's been the cause of major headaches, screaming into pillows, and banging my head against a wall. I had to forgo at least a hundred well (and not so well) written pages from his POV. Major ouch. But the way I overcame writer's block was by stepping back and trying to think about it the way he would, kind of hard considering wraiths don't think the way we living and breathing beings do, but I managed to figure it out and now instead of going looking for the Aramabics, he gets abducted by them. It works so much better!
(Spoiler alert)
Yeah, that's about all I have. Hoped it helped. :)
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
January Slums
I'm not sure what it is about January, it seems to be the longest month right before the shortest one. Boring. Though I'm happy today, I haven't had a violin lesson in 3 weeks due to the recital and the holidays. I'm glad that I'll be dropping Allegro and moving on, it is my goal to be in Suzuki Book 2 by May (also the same time I plan on getting my book published) and moving on to book 3 by December maybe? I guess we'll see how hard it is.
I think waking up at 5 for a year has been catching up with me, I snored partway through English, delayed writing an essay for about twenty minutes so I could keep snoring and I've been dizzy all morning. I hope the dizziness goes away, amazing how a spinning head can level you just as easily as an earthquake. I wonder, if I didn't grab anything, would I fall on my face? Huh, something to think about, but I like the current position of my nose so I don't think I'll try.
I think waking up at 5 for a year has been catching up with me, I snored partway through English, delayed writing an essay for about twenty minutes so I could keep snoring and I've been dizzy all morning. I hope the dizziness goes away, amazing how a spinning head can level you just as easily as an earthquake. I wonder, if I didn't grab anything, would I fall on my face? Huh, something to think about, but I like the current position of my nose so I don't think I'll try.
Monday, January 7, 2013
2013, Time To Try The New
Yay, it's a new year.
Boo, it's January.
Nice advantage here, I can now proclaim myself a survivor of the end of the world, three times now, (2000, 12, 12, 12, 12,21,12) I didn't even get a t-shirt.
Anyway, so I'm feeling quite proud of myself because I managed to sound out most of a song without any music whatsoever! Sheet music, I mean, I was listening to the song as I went along, and I want to make a movie of it. Be warned, it won't be THAT great, but at least I'm trying so brownie points on me. :)
I also got Twisted to the point that's it's ready to be edited, I just need to remember to speak to my parents about getting it edited, (yeah, I'm a lame teen author, I mean 17, come ON!?) and then BAM! I am so much closer to getting a book published.
I can sense a bit of pain coming my way, but I've been fighting for this for 2 years, so it's time. Stick around, I'll TRY to give helpful information about getting a book published and edited (oops! other way around!) edited and published as the process goes for me, but I can't predict this is going to over very smoothly. I mean, I've never done this before, but I've also never played a violin in a recital before either, and it went okay. I guess it's like stepping out of your comfort zone to try something you haven't ever before, like Yorkshire Pudding, I don't think I've ever had it before and it was pretty good. I just hope this isn't like watching other people try slimy watercress, it looked like troll boogers.
Boo, it's January.
Nice advantage here, I can now proclaim myself a survivor of the end of the world, three times now, (2000, 12, 12, 12, 12,21,12) I didn't even get a t-shirt.
Anyway, so I'm feeling quite proud of myself because I managed to sound out most of a song without any music whatsoever! Sheet music, I mean, I was listening to the song as I went along, and I want to make a movie of it. Be warned, it won't be THAT great, but at least I'm trying so brownie points on me. :)
I also got Twisted to the point that's it's ready to be edited, I just need to remember to speak to my parents about getting it edited, (yeah, I'm a lame teen author, I mean 17, come ON!?) and then BAM! I am so much closer to getting a book published.
I can sense a bit of pain coming my way, but I've been fighting for this for 2 years, so it's time. Stick around, I'll TRY to give helpful information about getting a book published and edited (oops! other way around!) edited and published as the process goes for me, but I can't predict this is going to over very smoothly. I mean, I've never done this before, but I've also never played a violin in a recital before either, and it went okay. I guess it's like stepping out of your comfort zone to try something you haven't ever before, like Yorkshire Pudding, I don't think I've ever had it before and it was pretty good. I just hope this isn't like watching other people try slimy watercress, it looked like troll boogers.
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