Decisions

I've been going through a long period of "not knowing" you know that stage most people go through as they try to figure out who they are and what they're going to do. That explains why most of my posts have been relatively on the negative side. It's been a constant fight with myself as both sides argued about what to do (dark side, light side.)
Give up or keep going?
I've come to the decision making point and I'm also melting. It's the nice high temperature of 14 degrees Fahrenheit where I am and I'm rolling up my sleeves and trying not to turn into a puddle of goo. Go figure. Our new furnace is working really, really well.
Yes. So my decisions.
I've decided that no matter what I'm going to do what makes me happy and like I've accomplished something. Thereby meaning, writing. Yes. I know I said I was going to quit, but I have this nasty habit of tossing up my hands whenever anything gets a little harder. My dad would probably say this is my biggest fault. eventually though I get back up, grit my teeth and get going.
It's been hard the past couple weeks because it seemed like what I was doing wasn't getting me anywhere. It was like I was stuck in a oval swimming pool, endlessly doing laps, wasting energy, but never going anywhere. I've finally realized I can get out of the water (thankfully! I hate getting wet unless I have to!) and move on with my life.
How did I come across this?
School.
Amazing right?
Yesterday I learned about colleges and student loans, grants, scholarships and I completely freaked out. I was all but ready to label myself as hopeless and toss myself into the street in front of an oncoming car. Today I'm a little more ready to see common sense.
I've been watching my sister in college.
It looks like work.
A lot of work.
A lot of busy work for nothing.
She wants to be an editor (yes! she'll edit my books and I can just hand her the manuscript and bug her about why it's taking so long) so why is she taking a time-consuming history class? Aye. It makes my brain hurt. Sure we need to be well-rounded, but I prefer doing that my own way, not some snobby college professor's.
My mom pointed out that there were tech schools and that she thought I wouldn't do well in a classroom setting like that. So true! I prefer getting my hands dirty (physically and metaphorically) than sitting in front of a desk tapping my pencil with absolute boredom as the teacher blahs on and on and on. So I think I'm going to go to a tech school, which is good because I plan on owning a horse soon (Amy, I will! =D because you know for the record, I could get a job soon, I did apply) and it's not even a question anymore.
I will own a horse.
One way or another.
And being in tech school where I'm only learning the stuff that I really need to know will help narrow down the time I'm there. I could get a degree in writing or possibly hair styling since I seem to be doing a lot of that lately.
Anyway, doing school today I was learning about career choices and I realized that I would never be happy in a "big money" job, working for someone else. I don't want to be a name and a picture, I want to mean something, so therefore when I am good enough I'm going to be a violin teacher. The violin has brought a lot of joy and satisfaction into my life, I can't help but want to share that.
I will always be an author. No worries for those of you waiting for the second book. I was born with words in my veins.
I am starting the second book (lousy iPod battery! it keeps popping up with the 20% left) today. It'll be another couple of months before you can hold it (sorry!) but at least you know it's a work in progress. All nine drafts of it.
Wow. I realized that's about 5,000 sheets of paper for all of those drafts for the second book alone. Entangled is probably my favorite, despite all the troubles I've had with it in the past. At least I have a well-rounded villain (Amaarzar wouldn't be happy with being called a bad guy only. Villains are better in the long run, think Darth Vadar, the Witch King of Angmar (haha) and Sauron, they're villains I'm attempting to model mine after)
So yeah. I've made my decisions. I don't want to work at a desk job. I WON'T work at a desk job. I'm not aiming to be the richest person alive, and even if I was I'd still be doing what I love. I don't want money, I want self-satisfaction in knowing that I did something most people haven't, even before I graduated from high school.
There's my decision. Make what you want of it.
Happy 20 days before Christmas =)
Do something to make someone smile, find the true spirit of Christmas.
My Facebook page for Twisted, as always, I'm trying to make it interesting.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Twisted/168658493335482?skip_nax_wizard=true
You can buy a copy of my book here,
http://www.amazon.com/Twisted-Tayla-Durham/dp/1493540467/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1386182494&sr=8-1&keywords=twisted+tayla+durham
Thanks, and please share! :)